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| 2007 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003 | 2002 |
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As the dark sun burns in the face of adversity, under executive order from XONRAD himself, the engineering of the impish trio led by Puckfist was hastily  brought to completion.
In the planning of how to unleash them, Puckfist did us all proud by escaping his security detail and releasing a hostile warning to his arch enemy, Santa Claus. Rest assured minions and henchmen, this is just one of his many arch enemies.
His resilliant attempt to defile the X-Mass season has made many of us teary with joy at the potential he and his cohorts, Mr. Rotund and Stumps, are already eagerly 'exuding'.
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June, Little Timmy and a containment team standing before the Gates of Hell. That is how the great underworld adventure was to begin, yet sadly, it all went tragically wrong.
It is apparent now, after a lengthy examination, that the Gates were opened prematurely. Investigations have determined that all involved were still in the final moments of preperation and equipment revision when the breach occurred. As a result of these cowardly actions from a foreign saboteur the Gate Opening proper had to be aborted. Little Timmy was severely injured during the ensuing devastation and is currently recovering and rehabilitating in an unnamed secluded facility.
We announce with great sorrow that all of the minions within the assigned team perished while protecting Timmy. During the approximate two weeks of carnage, they suffered horribly to the last. The identity of the saboteur is known and further information is already online within the private compound network for any and all minions eager to take part in what action will be taken. Key Henchmen are still involved in the lengthy task of cleaning up the desecrated site, although all agree in the heirarchy: A matter of this gravity regarding minions will proceed ONLY in the direction that best satisfies the wishes and integrity of the minion populace.
Neighbouring facilities will remain quarantined until this matter has been resolved. This includes the Cutting Room and Mr. Smiley teams. |
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Want to find Love? Fortune? Happiness? Want it at the expense of the truth? Thanks to the Dark Star Alignment we proudly present the newest member to the Fire Label via The Love Cult. Trinity "Treenie" Ravenchylde. Astrologer, Seeress, Love Cult Disciple... here to offer a refreshing and honest look at the zodiac.
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Rumours surfaced at the beginning of the year that XONRAD had purchased an orphan baby to undergo advanced minion training for an alleged jettison into the 9 hells. This rumour was soon put to rest when an official press conference was held by RockErode Productions.
"The rumours are untrue and the child in question is not a baby. He is 9 years old and his name is Timmy," said the official minion. "Little Timmy is a very willing participant in our endeavours and is in no way tied up in the black market trade of child slave labourers."
It was not made clear how Timmy was to be involved in the recent minion activity that has sequenced an extensive mapping of the nefarious realms as well as the cosmos at large. A subsequent communique from XONRAD himself affirmed that a most glorious undertaking was underway. |
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Irony of ironies. The search in 2006 for two capable auteurs came to a fruitful discovery. The very talent required was indeed not to be found from far or wide, but in the guise of the Dutch Brothers (of no actual relation) in the currently undisclosed coastal town of Australia that had been absorbed into the Love Cult fold the previous year.
Loyal minions continue to sift through the expanse of archival material in the vaults and some gems of true genius have already begun development in the talented hands of the Dutch Brothers (of no actual relation).
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It seems a fervour of tooth fairy hate crimes have been perpetrated in the secluded villages and towns of third world nations across the globe. Reeducation materials are being devised to combat this ignorance. |
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Are you a psychotic freak? A recent study says you very well might be. If you have ever had an imaginary friend, talk to yourself (with or without puppet aids), or generally behave in a manner that leaves you to question your decision moments after you have acted upon them, you could be vulnerable to Alter Ego Possession. Minions investigating the psychological precursors of the race, or 'human zoo' as they like to call it, are devising an effective form of treatment that they say is heavily influenced by the actual approach to public awareness to the problem in the first place.
Until treatment is available it is up to you to make an effort at not indulging your psychosis.
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Renovations to the volcanic lair have been completed, both internally and topside. Along with the three year construction of the step-pyramid temple, a surprise expansion of minion recreation facilities and magnetic mining operations were also completed. Minions have been given a week long abscence of duty to familiarise themselves with the additional toys in the refurbished compounds and to partake in a general rejoicing in the glory of XONRAD and his Fire Label. New and improved uniforms were also issued.
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The following statement was released by Mr. Smiley: "I told you not to pester me! I warned you didn't I!?! I have reported a few disobedient minions and they are feeling the blistering kiss of the spank machine as I speak. As a further result, the tribute to Devinco will be delayed. Don't push your luck a second time!"
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Having experienced the dark and brooding end of Devinco, the call for a greater history on his life has grown ever stronger. The birth of his independence, as touched upon in his Epilogue, along with the subsequent awakening experiences he experienced have been documented and are being proofed for green light status in the long awaited biographical tribute to Devinco.
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Fact is often stranger than fiction. In the ongoing erudition on the history of the Voivode Vlad Tepes Drakulia affirmation has been reached on the bloodline peculiarities that make the fictionalised condition of vampirism seem like a frivolous skin blemish. Further astounding discoveries about the Wallachian hero have been restricted and await complete correlation for public consumption.
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Jack Russel! Do you know who he is? Probably not, but that is the name striking mortal fear into the hearts of many. The dread of such a name is due to his anti-activist activism and those in possession of such anxiety are the anti-establishment establishment.
This elusive character has chosen to communicate his extremist values through RockErode Productions and as a result the Fire Label must state that it is in no way involved in the development or execution of Jack Russel shenanigans, although it is fully supportive of his sentiment!
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 Antarctica, the southern wastes of frostbitten splendour hold as much mystery and wonder today as it did to the distant ancestory of the most vaunted of ancients themselves.
In an effort to allow the flame of RockErode Productions to renourish itself after penetrating the brooding sphere of Devinco’s Epilogue, the idea was grasped upon to make a foray into the icy realm and establish a counter-fire label temple independent of XONRAD’s empire.
While conjuring the Snowman culture to be, extensive preparations were made that have spread the influence of XONRAD from the south pole to the tropics.
Unfortunately, XONRAD decreed a end to the expedition to prevent a team, deficient in psychological and practical ability, to undertake the adventure. Retrospect has revealed the inevitable casualties that would have occurred in the event of continuation.
But fear not as cancellation amounts to no failure on the part of preparedness and passions of the Love Cult. With a zero tolerance for compromise in integrity and self-conduct you can rest assured that this was merely the first step in the tranquil conquest of the forgotten continent.
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Sensitive information and artifacts behind the true nature and history of the Voivode Vlad Tepes Drakulia have come into the hands of the Fire Label. Restorative minions have been assigned to this task and further revelations are to come.
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In this turbulent world of modernity the masses often forget that their follies and misfortunes are simple and self evident. The Cutting Room vaults have been unlocked and initial sorting through these cultural archives for global illumination have begun. |
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A vortex was discovered into the land of Oz. A legion of minions have since subdued and enslaved the indigenous peoples of this realm. A state of enraptured submission has swept across the many lands and reeducation camps are in full swing. |
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Are you crazy about your greens? Come to our expo and meet like minded obsessive compulsives. Special Guest appearance by the creator of J.D Green himself and an unveiling of the mighty Spirit of 57 Rotor Deluxe. |
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Ailens? Illumaniti? Step aside Area 51, footage of giant kittens with abnormal combative behaviour was caught on tape. Footage of this unbelievable event was sequestered by an unnamed henchman for verification and processing. Multiple henchmen have been assigned to deal with processing in this matter. It is advised that you refrain from contacting the Fire Label unless you have clear documented proof relating to this event. Please, do not provoke the henchmen.
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In a strange turn of events, with the stoking of the RockErode Productions flame, a secluded town on the east coast of Australia embraced the Love Cult of Xonrad and a subsequent base for RockErode Productions was installed into this as yet undisclosed area.
With the introduction of the flame a renaissance of the region's incredibly rich history and culture, as well as its contemporary machinations, are being collated for posterity sake. Future revelations to the rest of the world of this seemingly impossible cultural oasis are also under contemplation.
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An astounding first look into the life of DEVINCO  is actually, his last. The controversial decision to summarise those final dark days were not taken lightly XONRAD says: "When the new discoveries were brought to my attention I knew that the only way to truly honour Devinco was to expose the truths to the world in all their brutality. And I say brutality in the philosophical sense, not the literal. His end has been depicted in the same spirit that he embodied during the rest of his life prior to these events; With a preference for dignity over the cruder acts and expressions others perpetrate."
The Epilogue of Devinco was presented in his native dialect.
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The previously unrestricted inquiry into the sanguine crimes of Dorothy and her ties to the world of witchery have taken an unexpected turn. The nature of the case is of such nefarious repute that it is currently prohibited for further public consumption. |
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Longtime friend of Devinco and recluse Mr Smiley has stepped into the limelight to honour the spirit of Devinco with a twist. Mr Smiley has given no further details other than the following statement: "You will 'get it' when it is ready, until then don't pester me with questions." |
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In a surprise communique, Loki has released an origins manifesto as a token of allegiance to XONRAD and the Fire Label. |
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While the documentation of Devinco's life had been put into effect, a misinterpretation halted all practical proceedings. While the delay caused a momentary air of dismay, the discovery that these discrepancies actually lay in texts regarding the once-believed-to-be unknown final days of his life have caused a total reexamination of his profound character.
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Yes, you too can understand the true nature of angelicism and the upper tiers of spiritual evolution. Purge the childhood lies from your soul and embrace the truth.
(dual seasons of the collective and decadent disciplines currently in cycle) |
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DISCLAIMER: If you are incapable of keeping your hand behind the red roped boundaries, decapitation may occur. Not suitable for Children! |
While a silence has been maintained from the Loki camp, rumours have been circulating that he and his domain have embraced the current rise in angelicism truths, yet in a heretofore unknown way and possibly following completely unknown discipline. High level henchmen are not releasing information on whether or not they are aware of Loki's whereabouts or activities. |
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A surprise turn of events led minions to apprehend an incompetent hitman. Due to the heroic efforts of the minions involved (honoured in full glory at this year's Infernus Festival) the assassin known only by his codename "Dumb Ass" was subdued and quickly whisked away for internment processing. Subsequently the rate of unexplained explosions dropped to zero. One casualty occurred during his final act, all minions can rest easy as it was a civilian completely unassociated with the Fire Label.
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Little fact is truly known of the habitation and social aspects of daemoni bound to the material world. In an effort to document this phenomena and condition XONRAD established the Fire Label that is RockErode Productions, and led a major expedition into a secluded natural reserve to discover more.
While the research undertaken was a success, the expedition was waylaid by a unique band of brigands and a snake oil merchant. While trying to ply their trade amongst XONRAD and his minions where they were unwelcome XONRAD chose to incinerate the entire wooded region to cleanse the world of these miscreants and their greasy fingers.
The resident daemoness was given refuge and once regenerative therapy is complete she will be released back into the wild.
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Ever watched TV and said you can make better shows than that? We're offering you the chance to prove it. Edit on the fly from multiple camera angles in a reality TV style situation. Send us a demo of your work... and it better be good!!!
DISCLAIMER: We require that all applicants state their citizenry status and possible law enforcement employment and/or attachment/involvement. |
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Do you believe in ghosts? A rise in paranormal activity unsettled minions within their residential zoning area. An unidentified young woman took it upon herself to wonder about in search of a phantom apple. That's right, an apple. Tranquility was restored when the afflicted soul was sequestered for reeducation by top ranking henchmen. |
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